The only woman who ever truly loved you ([info]eldena) wrote,
@ 2008-10-03 22:09:00
Previous Entry  Add to memories!  Tell a Friend  Next Entry
Current mood: strange creature

In a city, people don't say hi to each other as they pass. If you're lucky you can even avoid making smalltalk with most cashiers, too. It's not so much an issue of niceness vs rudeness as it is of volume; living in Chicago, I could go downtown anytime and walk by a hundred people I'll never see again. It's not an effective use of energy.

In the most technical terms, greeting people is an imposition on them, because while it isn't always necessary to initiate the contact, it would be much more unacceptable for them to not reply. You're demanding their attention. It's just an imposition that most people don't necessarily notice because they like the exchange anyway, or that they expect. But someone working a busy job, who might themselves see a hundred customers in a day, may not have the time or energy to talk with all of them, so isn't it almost selfish to insist they do so for you?

Well, maybe going that far is just me. A book in my linguistics class last year told me that in some parts, it's required for a host to offer drinks repeatedly and insistently, and taboo for a guest to accept them, which situation as a whole sounds pretty hellish to me. These are rituals with no meaning in and of themselves; they could as well be a big sign that says "I AM MORE OR LESS POSITIVELY INCLINED TOWARDS YOU AND WILLING TO ENGAGE YOU SOCIALLY." And empty talk is not my cup of tea.

Personally, I grew up in the city, but at least as much as that, it's simply my personality; I don't like talking. (Well, I kind of like talking to my cat. Wracking my imagination for the most awful things to say to an animal who can't tell the difference is a fantastic game.) I've been noticing this here at school, for instance that in the dorm cafeterias the employees are mainly very friendly and it totally annoys me. When I'm there I'm generally hungry and focusing very hard on which food might be tastiest, I don't want to be distracted by meaningless chatter! But what can you do; it would still be ruder not to reply.

Anyway, that's all well and good for introverts and misanthropes, but some time ago I noticed, much to my surprise, that while I don't have the habit of saying hi to people I pass on the street, I do have one of saying hi to animals. That's... really weird. As the kids say, orz.




(4 comments) - (Post a new comment)


[info]hyuga
2008-10-04 03:48 am UTC (link)
Hrm. Yeeah...when I'm leaving work I take the stairs down partially to avoid being stuck in the elevator with someone who might know me well enough to say something about the weather or their weekend or something. Ugh. Or if I have to I'll duck into the bathroom. That's pretty bad.

And it's not like I'm even a social retard or incapable of getting along with these people. I just don't want to talk to people just because they're there. Same applies to other situations I suppose, but especially at work, since they're where I probably spend most of my time anyways.

Edited at 2008-10-04 03:48 am UTC

(Reply to this)


[info]mullenkamp
2008-10-04 05:40 am UTC (link)
Agreeing about the random greeting being an imposition. It's admittedly a very mild one - as introverted as I am, I don't really mind having someone say "Good morning" to me, because all I have to say in response is "Good morning" and then it's done. But oddly enough, I started realizing, what with my working third shift, sometimes it's actually good for people.

Scenario is like this. It's 6:10 in the morning, we've just opened the doors. If people are awake, it's because like me, they've been awake all night and are exhausted, or because they just got up to go to a day of work and probably don't want to. And when they walk in my doors, there are two options.

1: I don't acknowledge them. They get their coffee or whatever and wander groggily back to the counter. They pay, and I give them their change, without us exchanging more than numbers aloud, and they walk out still looking out of it.

2: I say "Good morning!" and smile at them. A lot of the time, they actually look surprised. Depending on how tired they are, they sometimes just kind of nod back, or actually mumble a response, but immediately they look a little less tired, a little less frustrated, and further pleasant exchanges and smiles send them out the door looking happy. I've only seen this not work a couple of times.

I don't much like talking to people, especially when it's completely meaningless. But on the job, I do it more than most of my co-workers, just because it seems that a lot of people, first thing in the morning, really do appreciate a friendly greeting more than just being left alone to wallow in their sleepiness and discomfort.

(On the other hand, if asked to deviate from the "Good morning!" "Good morning, how are you?" "Fine, thanks! That'll be $1.37" routine, I kind of stammer because I suck at it so much. XD)

But well, I consider that a part of my job. Once I punch out, I'm not going to say stuff to whatever other customers are in the store when I run up briefly to grab bread or something on the way home, unless they're one of my regular customers at the station. But sometimes I just give them a nod and a smile if we happen to be looking at each other for a second.

And I really don't understand why that works on most people. It doesn't really work on me when other people do it to me. But a lot of things that presumably work on other people don't work on me.

(Reply to this)


[info]freyr
2008-10-04 05:44 am UTC (link)
Yankees. Psh.

(Reply to this)


[info]comicsan
2008-10-04 10:18 am UTC (link)
It's funny, in actual social situations I am incredibly introverted, but on the job and in places like that, I can make small talk out the wazoo.

One guy who ended up talking to me for like three hours on my night audit shift told me I should be a college professor because I'm really good at talking- and the thought frightened the hell out of me.

(Reply to this)


(4 comments) - (Post a new comment)

Create an Account
Forgot your login or password?
Login w/ OpenID
English • Español • Deutsch • Русский…